~~ WARNING! PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLD’S END SPOILERS AHEAD ~~
Yes, once again I have seen a movie that annoyed me
so much I am now compelled to write about it. It’s sad really. I really
enjoyed the first Pirates movie; and the second one, while not quite as
good as the first, was still a pretty enjoyable way to kill a couple of
hours. This new one, however, retained none of the charm or humor of
the first two films and instead slogs on for nearly three hours in a
fairly successful effort to eradicate the viewers of brain activity for
that discrete period of time.
Maybe while we were all zoning out through what the
filmmakers clearly thought were the more exciting points of the movie,
such as when they were sailing through the doldrums, the director was
really engaging in some form of subliminal messaging experiment. I was
mostly asleep during that part, so if the message was “You need a nap,”
then I guess the effort was successful.
Length and boredom aside, what bothered me the most
about this movie was its ridiculous anti-business stance. You must
understand, I am the wife of a small businessman, daughter of a small
businessman, daughter-in-law of a small businessman, and tend to come
up with entrepreneurial ideas myself about every three weeks (most of
these go nowhere but once in awhile something sticks such as what you
are reading right now). Anti-business sentiments tend to tick me off in
an almighty way!
Lord Beckett, the commander of the
Royal Navy spends the entire movie betraying people, welching on deals,
and backstabbing (I guess that’s three ways of saying the same thing,
isn’t it?) and then pronouncing that this behavior is “just good
business.” Then when justice finally catches up with him at the end and
the ship he thought was under his control turns around to blast his own
boat to slivers, for his epitaph he twice whines in bewilderment that
his behavior was “just good business,” bringing the total number of
times he utters of this vile phrase to four (I think four. I lost track
due to being bored and annoyed).
At that point, he glides down the
stairs as the ship explodes around him and he is engulfed in flames
(and shrapnel which inexplicably seems to miss him at every angle
instead of shredding him which it obviously should). Hello! Nice
imagery there. Why didn’t they just stamp “I am the embodiment of
satanic business” on his forehead to make sure no one missed it.
Considering that the the movie made a record-breaking $404 million
dollars in it’s opening six days, this stance seems absolutely absurd
to me. If business is the devil, what does that make the studios and
executives? High-ranking minions? Okay, that part seems plausible but
odd that they would admit it…. Hehe.
Anyway,
I was so annoyed after the show ended that I had to un-indoctrinate my
children in the car on the way home (and indoctrinate them properly
with what I think, of course). We started off with a discussion of
business and all the good things it does (no business = no grocery
stores, no food, no clothes, no toys, none of the things that we use
every day). Then we moved on to the larger problem with the Pirates
series of films, which is that it paints all the pirates as good guys
and the Royal Navy as the villains.
Yeah
sorry, but pillaging thugs aren’t really my idea of heroes, and the
English Navy did a large amount of good while they were out protecting
people from the thuggish pillagers. The problem with people operating
outside the rule of law is that they become lawless and begin to take
everything they can get with utter disregard to the ownership rights of
the people around them. They do not tend to become noble benefactors to
society.
These movies oddly present both
sides as being nearly equally matched in betrayal (the pirates nobly
call this a “code” though, to leave any man behind and steal one
another’s ships whenever it pleases them), while the same behavior in
the Navy is bad. Operating within the morality of the movie (skewed as
it is), this then seems to imply that the pirates have a higher
morality because they are honest about their buggery while the Navy
does the same thing but wields the power of the state to do so. So now
the pirates are freedom fighters? I don’t think so. They don’t seem to
be fighting for any larger purpose other than to be allowed to go
around thieving whenever they desire. Lofty aims indeed!
Anyway,
as entertaining as the series as a whole is, the entire philosophical
underpinnings of the movie are directly opposed to my own, and it was
an excellent opportunity to point this disparity out to our kiddos lest
they inadvertently pick up someone else’s mutant principles by osmosis.
You know, this whole molding of young minds thing is kind of fun!
Rachel
Written by Rachel Shubin ~ Fiendish friend for effusive fun!
– WARNING: Spoilers ahead for the new film, 300; but since the movie contains only a scant plot, it shouldn’t detract from your enjoyment of the show. –
Handsome Hubbiness and I managed to escape again last Friday night for the second week in a row!! Imagine me doing the Elaine dance with the thumbs (from Seinfeld), and you will know what my happy dance looks like. Actually, it’s lamer than that.
Since I was inexplicably in the mood for something loud and subplot-free and Hubby never complains about those types of little movie quirks, we went to see 300. The film is based on the Battle of Thermopylae (pronounced like “Monopoly”; I looked it up) in 480 B.C. between 300 Spartans and a gazillion Persions (I’m pretty sure that’s the accurate number for the Persian hordes). In this case “based on” means that they have the 300 and gazillion numbers about right, but they add things to the bad guys cadre such as a giant with what seem to be huge lobster claws for arms and hulking elephants and rhinos that have been either dieting on steroids or were born in Middle Earth.
Wow, is that flick manly! I’m pretty sure they shot that movie on testosterone-soaked film stock. Practically every single frame has blood, guts, whacking, hoo-ah-ing, and other blood-drenched, war-related activities. The only exceptions are the three brief scenes with the naked women, and an almost interesting enough to make “subplot” status political problem back home (mainly this keeps the viewers from getting battle fatigue). Even the end credits have animated blood spattering everywhere! Made Braveheart look like A Walk to Remember.
If you typically like “guy” movies and aren’t terribly bothered by things like fictional beheadings, 300 is thrilling in that “Oh my gosh, OUR PLANE IS CRASHING” kind of way, and it is awe-inspiring to actually look at. The colors are washed out and high contrast-y, giving it a stark grittiness; and Gerard Butler who plays King Leonidas (the lead) is unbelievably strong and charismatic (I liked him back when he played Dracula in Dracula 2000. Please don’t tell anyone that I’ve actually watched that.).
Yes, in between the hacking are only about 50 spoken lines in this movie and half of them are silly, and yes there is a fair amount of random ridiculousness thrown in, and yes the women’s dresses are utterly impractical and the mens’ costumes equally deficient (however, if you like the Mr. Universe contest, you will find something to appreciate here). Despite all that, the battle scenes are fantastic, and the end left me practically giddy with patriotism (another thing I may or may not admit to upon future questioning).
This movie works because it is full of unapologetically strong men, men who rush out to protect the things they love regardless of personal cost, even if they know the cost is certain death. How can you not love that? What says “I love you” more strongly than decapitation? If your husband has been feeling a little put-upon lately or has a boss at work who makes him feel like a drone, help him find his hidden “hoo-ah” by taking him to this movie. You can close your eyes through it if you want; he won’t be watching you.
Rachel
Written by Rachel Shubin ~ Fiendish friend for effusive fun!
Ahhh, we’re finally flu-free over here, which makes me very happy. I’m starting to feel moderately like things are slowing down-ish to a more manageable pace. Plus, Gymbucks redemption starts tomorrow, which is always a good excuse to shop. Actually, if you’re online late tonight, you’ll probably catch it then (try 9pm on the West coast and midnight on the East).
They’re talking snow here in our area again for this week, which means that every school-aged child in the whole city will wake up at 5:30 am to discover not snow but rather rain out their bedroom window and experience that sinking feeling that comes with the realization that instead of spending the day throwing snowballs at your sisters, you instead have to go to class like you do every other day. This happens about twice a winter or so in Portland. The occurence of actually getting snow is closer to .5 times per winter (you know, every other year…).
My son tells me every Christmas that he’s just sure that this year we’ll have a white Christmas. (I’ve lived here 31 years and can remember one white Christmas in all that time). Then when it doesn’t happen he gets all annoyed. It’s enough to make you want to move to Tennessee or somewhere. New Hampshire maybe! You know, wash your hands, your face, your hair in snow and all that stuff (doesn’t everyone watch White Christmas while wrapping presents?).
Handsome Hubby and I actually made it out on a date Saturday night. We had an excellent dinner at a little Italian restaurant, went to go find me some designer knock-off shoes at Target (I’m not paying $125 for shoes that will be out of fashion in a year or two! However, $25 I can handle.). Apparently designer knock-offs are only available in sizes that are two or more sizes larger than my feet. It was a short trip.
Following that, we went to a very dull movie called The Good Shepherd, which is basically two hours and forty minutes about why you should not join the CIA. You’d think that with all the intrigue surrounding that line of work, they could at least make a moderately intriguing film! Handsome Hubby, who usually is completely mute during a movie and insists that everyone around him do the same (namely, me), turned to me halfway through and asked if I had fallen asleep yet. After the movie we went to the grocery store. Because we know what romance is.
Hubby’s sister and her husband graciously watched the kids for us and somehow found it very perplexing that we went to the grocery store on our date. They have zero kids. We have five. Hey, when you need milk, you need milk! Try explaining to five tiny faces looking up at you why there is no milk for them to put on the bowls of cereal that they have proudly poured themselves. They also seemed further appalled upon discovering that our last date was in October. And we went went grocery shopping on our first date in three months. Okay, that’s kind of appalling even to me.
In any case, it was reeeeeeally nice to get out of the house for a few hours. I feel like a normal person again (almost) when we’re out. I hope it snows this week. Snow always makes me smile. Shoot, now I’m going to be looking out the window at 5:30 am.
Rachel
Written by Rachel Shubin ~ Fiendish friend for effusive fun!
